Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, for your vicious reading pleasure, we shall be honouring the star bores of television 2013 with the UMUP awards (you made us puke). Here goes the honour roll:
Makeup monster of the year: Barkha Dutt
After haunting the ridges of Kargil and hobnobbing with soldiers going to war, for some time Barkha went for the no makeup look which actually worked for her. But alas! Like most other women anchors, she soon discovered the evil of foundations, smudgy eyeliners, lip liners and their ilk and went completely berserk painting herself a brand new (though equally scary) face. Apparently noone's telling her where the brush stops where makeup is concerned. Barkha, unless you are giving a Kathakali dance recital, you don't use the entire contents of a bottle/tube in one sitting.
Runners up: Chain se sona hai toh bhaag jao...
Better luck next time: Sagarika Ghosh
Rotten ham (not to let resemblances confuse you with pig): Arnab Goswani
Slimiest smirk: Rajat Sharma
Main har saal laut ke aaunga award: Karan Johar
Odd(ly) dressed couple: Mr and Mrs Aamir Khan
Aamir Khan appeared on the Karan Johar show in pants that ended at ankles and closely followed the shape of his calves making us wonder if he had borrowed wifey Kiran’s leggings. Kiran contributed to bringing the award home by turning up in her hideous glasses and a body hugging frilly blouse that hadn’t made up its mind about whether it wanted to be a shirt or a frock.
Fashion icon of the year: Arvind Kejriwal
Making the ladies swoon: Anil Kapoor
Quick rise in television: Kapil Sharma
Thank you for nothing TV 2013. Keep up the rotten work. This year too please help us pick dinner leftovers from our teeth in sheer boredom, poke fingers in our noses for lack of anything better to do and pull our quilts over our heads and go to sleep. Happy New Year!
Disclaimer: The writer stopped watching television a few years back and writes TV reviews only to vent out her frustrations.